Mike's Porn Reviews

Barbed Wire Kiss

This movie from Pirate Booty Productions takes a very unusual approach in modern porn: it has a story that is not just a rip-off of a typical Hollywood genre. That alone is refreshing, if only because porn producers need to learn that they just don't have the actors, scriptwriters, or other resources to make good Hollywood-style movies. Besides, if we wanted to watch Hollywood-style movies, we would watch actual Hollywood movies.

In any case, the story starts with a tarot card reading, with the tarot card reader played by Caroline Pierce. It looks like a typical mystic's place of business, but he (Benny Profane) protests that tarot card reading is bullshit and he's an atheist. From this I assume he must be her date rather than her customer, because I can't imagine someone who doesn't believe in mysticism actually paying money for it. As it turns out, that must have been the case because he starts feeling her up right away, and telling her his life story. That's how the basic plot of the movie unfolds; his life story gets told in a series of flashbacks, which she is able to actually see for some reason. At one point she even asks "Is that you? You were so cute!" Must be those gnarly tarot card reader powers. Funny thing about movies; atheists are always proven wrong. Even in porn. Small wonder religious people think the same is true in real-life, even though supernatural movie phenomena never happen in reality and it's the religious predictions which never pan out. How many times now has Jesus' return been falsely foretold? But I digress ...

Benny starts by telling her about how he was married once, a long time ago. Turns out he was a tattooed spiky-haired punk (played by Zak Sabbath), who drove around in a car with the license plate "BDSM". His girlfriend is, of course, a hottie (Veronica Jett) and he ends up doing her on the hoot of his car. It's a slow-moving but well-done scene with good camera work and music which, although repetitive, matches the mood. There's no anal in this scene.

Flash back to the present, and Caroline is sucking Benny's dick. If they're not dating, then this is the best full-service tarot card reading I've ever seen, and I can understand why an atheist might want to pay for it. He continues to retell his story in a series of flashbacks; it turns out that he married this girl and had a baby with her but the baby died, she left him, and then his mother died too, so he spiraled into depression and drugs.

At this point I was wondering where the story was headed. How would the story explain his recovery back into a normal functioning person? Unfortunately, the movie basically skips over that. He simply says that he eventually "got over it", which seems like a rather glib way to handle the problem. Perhaps I'm expecting too much; after all, the movie already has more characterization than most porn movies, and it is still reasonably coherent despite this curious omission. In any case, by this time he's fucking Caroline and his story segues into his next girlfriend following his recovery: an unpopular, "awkward" girl with horrible teeth and braces (Domenica Leoni).

Well, she shows up after his recovery from drug addiction and naturally, the braces are out and she's gorgeous now. To my way of thinking, the writer should have had him explaining that this girl helped him recover from his drug addiction, and then he used the last of his remaining money to get her teeth fixed for her, after which they have a big sex scene. It wouldn't change the flow of the movie all that much and it would make this little disconnect in the plot flow more smoothly. Instead, they hook up and it turns out that her family is rich, so they have sex in her opulent house. This scene is also well-done and it's both faster-moving and raunchier than the last one. This time, she takes it up the ass like a good girl.

Back to the present and Benny is banging Caroline in earnest. She's too heavy for my tastes but she wears it well. His storytelling continues and he starts talking about a blonde nymphomaniac that he knew later (Adrianna Nicole). He walks in on her and they have sex. This scene is bizarre because his younger self is suddenly being played by a black guy (Tee Reel). Caroline actually says "Wait a minute, you were black?" And he replies that he was into some weird things at the time, which makes me think that she's a mind-reader who can see his recollections of himself, and he's got some kind of serious role-play psychological issues. Anyway, the scene itself is pretty good, and she takes a thorough ass-reaming to top it off.

Back to the present and Benny is now doing Caroline doggy-style over the tarot card table, with the camera operator in plain view for some reason.

But we're quickly onto the next scene, in which he mentions that he used to be "really close friends" with a famous porn star (Amber Rayne). Naturally, you can see how this one will go. By this time he's apparently doing much better financially, and he wears a business suit (and his slightly older, more respectable incarnation is now played by Marcos Leon, so he's white again).

Back to the present one last time, and he finishes banging Caroline, with a bit more banter at the end. Fini.

This is an off-beat and well-done movie with good camera work (no interminable genital close-ups here) and a fair bit of creativity in the storytelling and production. The only area that bugged me was the plot excursion into drug addiction, and by the end of any given sex scene, the music tended to get repetitive (but thankfully, it's not the same music for every scene). The movie's couples-friendly storytelling is well-tailored to the porn genre (unlike serious dramas, which are horribly suited to porn and which too many porn producers try to make), and it's easy to follow. There were no chapter stops on the DVD, but I'm assuming this was because it was a preview disc and not a finished movie disc. In terms of overall enjoyment, I'd say it ranks right up there with "Le Labyrinthe" and other similar productions.

Rating: 4/5
Anal/DP: yes
Choking/slapping/abuse: none
Running time: 1 hour, 36 minutes
Video quality: excellent
Studio: Eroticist Films (distributed by VCA Pictures)
Producer: Ron Royster
Director: Benny Profane (also appears in film) and Gram Ponante
Website: http://www.barbedwirekiss.com

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