Mike's Porn Reviews

Cellar Dweller #4

This is a seriously fucked-up movie. What else can I say about a movie that starts with a man in a bunny-suit crying on the shoulder of a dwarf girl because his girlfriend left him after he got fired from a TV show? Why doesn't he take off the fucking bunny suit? This movie doesn't make any sense as a coherent story, but it has some good sex scenes in it.

The first scene is the best one on the disc, and is one of my wife's favourite porno scenes of all time. After being introduced to the weird bunny-suit guy, we suddenly cut to Nicole Sheridan meeting her boyfriend and his autistic brother. It turns out that his brother's name is Raymond, and he's channeling Dustin Hoffman's character in the Hollywood movie "Rain Man". And yes, the poor guy has lived in a controlled environment his whole life and has never even kissed a girl. Well, let's just say that Nicole hears about this and takes it upon herself to introduce Raymond to the Wide Wonderful World of Sex.

Unlike most gimmicky sex scenes, this one manages to be both genuinely funny and scorching hot, and makes up in large part for the annoying bunny-suit guy and his time-wasting antics. I suspect that one of the reasons my wife likes this scene is that Nicole is clearly in charge, both dramatically and physically:. She's an impressively tall blonde who's noticeably taller than either of the two men, and she tells them what to do, not the other way around. Mind you, what she wants is pretty raunchy, but some women are like that.

After this rip-roaring opening scene, the movie goes back into the surreal bunny-suit guy's world for a while, in order to segue to the next scene. This bunny-suit guy has to be the lamest "connecting glue" plot device ever. In any case, it seems that after he lost his job, he now wants to start up a new TV show, and he needs to audition male sidekicks. Two guys show up to audition, and he asks his two female assistants to see if they make the grade. Naturally, this leads to a 2-on-2 sex scene. It's a pretty good scene, but not remarkable.

Now we switch back to the bunny-suit guy, and another bizarre plot excursion involving some sort of virtual-reality goggles, which leads to a pair of POV (point-of-view) sex scenes where you're seeing what he's seeing. Now I know that POV sex is a big seller and that numerous discs have been sold which are based entirely upon it. But personally, I dislike them. For one thing, I don't find them particularly compelling because they ask you to pretend you're the porn star and I'm not really into that. I don't watch porn to fantasize that I'm the porn star; I watch it for a certain voyeuristic excitement. Moreover, I watch it with my wife, who gets absolutely nothing from male POV sex scenes. So let's just say that I consider both of the POV sex scenes to be fast-forward material.

At this point we go to another audition. I guess the writer was running out of ideas, although I don't see why he couldn't have come up with another bizarre one. In any case, two more guys show up, and he asks one of his female assistants (Gina Ryder) to judge them again. Naturally, she decides to audition their cocks instead of their acting.

And now we go to yet more bizarre bunny-suit stuff, involving a dwarf girl and the rabbit guy getting drunk and depressed. At this point in the movie I'm so sick of the god damned bunny-suit guy that I want him to die. After a bit of impatient fast-forwarding, we come to the next real scene, which involves Raymond. Remember him from the first scene? The Rain Man guy? Well, he's looking for a job, and Taylor St. Claire decides to interview him. I don't think I even need to explain where this scene goes.

And where do we go after this scene? Naturally, back to the fucking bunny-suit guy. At least something bad is happening to him now; the film ends with him getting beaten up in the street, and then meeting another bunny-suit guy. At this point I wasn't even paying attention; my hatred of the bunny-suit guy had reached a point that I could not stand to watch any part of the film with him in it.

In conclusion, the film has some good scenes, and gets one bonus point for containing Rebecca's favourite porno scene. But it also has that irritating bunny-suit guy, a plot so annoying that I fast-forward through all of it even though the cut-scenes are short, and a pair of totally forgettable POV scenes in the middle.

Rating: 4/5
Anal/DP: yes
Choking/slapping/abuse: none
Running time: 2 hours, 8 minutes
Video quality: fair
Studio: Elegant Angel
Producer: Patrick Collins
Director: Robert Madison

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