Mike's Porn Reviews

Hustler Hardcore Vault 6

This is one of those compilation disks, so the quality can vary sharply from scene to scene. The first scene is from VCA's "Cum Worshippers" and stars Kelly Wells, Flower Tucci, and Joey (all girls, despite the boyish-sounding name of "Joey"). The setup is weird to say the least: Kelly finds Joey and Flower Tucci in some kind of hypnotic state, waiting for sex. She wakes them up and all they can do is mindlessly say "Hi!" over and over with big smiles on their faces. Kelly drags them over to some waiting men and they keep saying "Hi!" over and over until the men stuff cocks into their mouths. I actually found this setup really irritating (what are they supposed to be, retards?), so I was not inclined to like this scene from the beginning. And as the scene went on, my impression didn't really improve. It's one of those scenes where you constantly hear people talking over each other and yelling loudly, and I've never liked that. I like to hear the performers making some noise during a sex scene, but that doesn't mean I want to hear a cacophony of people yelling at each other (anyone who's watched a lot of "Violation Of" videos will know the sound I'm talking about). They don't do anything particularly unusual in the scene (three guys and three girls, the camera keeps roaming around the room, yay), so there was nothing to redeem the irritating setup and annoying constant yelling. Skip to the next scene.

The second scene is from VCA's "Turbo Charged and Ass Blasted" and stars Staci Thorn, who catches Evan Stone pretending to be a race car driver while sitting at the wheel of an expensive sports car. It's a strange setup because it has nothing whatsoever to do with what she's about to say, and I suspect the porn producer just wanted to show off his high-priced sports car collection. In any case, Staci explains to Evan that "I'm looking for a man who wants to fuck me in the ass." Evan is not the kind of man who would turn down an invitation like that, so it's off to the races! I actually like this setup, as stupid as it is. It's quick, it's silly, it gets to the point, and Evan has the good sense to stand back and say "You're kidding, right?" before taking her up on the offer. Once it starts, it's a straight one-on-one scene and they do it right in the middle of the driveway. Obviously, she eventually gets it up the ass, and it's a pretty hot scene overall. Nothing freaky about this scene, and I'd say it's even fairly couples-friendly, which is nice for a scene which gets to the point so quickly.

The third scene is from VCA's "Brunettes Eat More Cum" and stars Carmella Bing: a dark-haired leather-clad plastic-titted slut who starts off the scene sitting in someone's garage and waiting for men to show up and service her. It's one of those scenes where she talks to the camera, saying enlightening things like "I need a cock". Somehow, I much prefer Staci Thorn's delivery in the previous scene (it helps that she's talking to Evan Stone and acting more natural, instead of trying to talk "seductively" to the camera like all those girls on the phone-sex commercials), but you can't win 'em all. The scene starts with her masturbating for a long time. I imagine some guys really get off on watching a girl play with herself for ten minutes, but I'm not one of them. So it's fast-forward time, until the scene starts in earnest. She tries hard, but the scene suffers from three flaws: first, her giant fake tits look even more unnatural in motion than they do when she's sitting still. Second, her vocalizing is of the monotonous "oh! oh! oh!" variety that gets tiresome pretty fast. And third, there's some noisy, spittle-flecked choking blowjob action. I have to give this scene a fairly emphatic thumbs down.

The fourth scene is from VCA's "MyXXXPornSpace.Com" and stars Hillary Scott, who I like whenever she's not choking, gagging, and drooling all over some guy's pipe in order to show how hardcore she is. The setup is simple and stupid, much like Scene 2. Apparently, Hillary called a couple of plumbers and told them that she needs help with a couple of her holes. The guys show up and don't even bother pretending that they're real plumbers, but who really cares? Hillary is good at pulling off scenes like this off because she seems like she really enjoys it, almost as if she really would call up a couple of guys and ask them to come help her with her holes. The scene has a little bit of gagging but it's quite minimal and hence not too objectionable, and she really does seem to be enjoying herself. Her vocalizations also seem fairly genuine, unlike the monotonous "oh! oh! oh!" noise of Scene 3. Thumbs up on this one.

The fifth scene is from VCA's "Young Dumb and Covered in Cum" and stars Nadia Styles, and it's a pure skullfucking scene. Allow me to reiterate once more how I fucking hate skull-fucking in porn. I know there are misogynists out there who watch porn just to see women degraded, but I am not interested in being one of them. Skull-fucking is one of those things that's become popular in the Max Hardcore era but which is incredibly annoying because it's 100% for the man's pleasure and 0% for the woman. Sex should be something that both the man and woman enjoy, or at least that's what I think. Fast-forward to the next scene, because this one is shit.

The sixth scene is from Hustler Video's "Tight Ends" and stars Tyla Wynn, and it's thankfully not another skull-fucking scene. She starts off on some sort of stage and asks two guys to come fuck her. Obviously, they take her up on her offer and it's an OK scene. Not great, just OK. I can't really point to anything wrong with it, but it just didn't work for me. Not quite enough energy, not quite enough enthusiasm, not quite enough noise ... the scene just felt kind of lukewarm. At least it was better than Scene 5.

In conclusion, this compilation has 2 good scenes, 1 mediocre scene, a couple of forgettable scenes, and 1 shitty scene. I'm afraid this one deserves a failing grade.

Rating: 2/5
Anal/DP: yes
Choking/slapping/abuse: mild
Running time: 2 hours, 44 minutes
Video quality: excellent
Studio: Hustler
Producer: Various
Director: Various

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