Mike's Porn Reviews

Lexington Steele: Metal Up Your Ass

As usual for one of Lexington Steele's self-titled films, this is a pure gonzo flick. No story, just a collection of scenes in which he plunges his over-sized tool into a series of willing women. If you're familiar with his films you'll know this, and you'll also know that the quality of his scenes depends on the behaviour of the girls. Naturally, given the name of this particular outing, it's pretty obvious that each girl takes anal before it's over.

Our first sacrificial victim to Lexington's pole is petite blonde Kristi Myst. She's pretty enough, although she has oversized inflatable hooters which diminish her appeal. She's also rather obviously a small girl, standing only 5'4" according to her online website (which also indicates that she was a dental assistant before she got into porn). At one point, when Lex was ramming his rather large member up her ass, Rebecca actually commented that it seemed somehow unfair to pit such a small girl against such a big cock. But she took it, albeit with noticeable effort. The performance is pretty hot, but the direction suffers from a few problems such as the occasional long genital-area close-up and anal gape shot, both of which are popular in some genres but annoy both Rebecca and myself. Nevertheless, Rebecca found the scene acceptable despite those complaints. And she was especially glad to see Lexington open the scene wearing normal clothes: a collared shirt and decent pants. She absolutely loathes the "gangsta" look, with its baggy pants and ghetto stylings, so she was prepared to give this scene extra points just because Lexington didn't look or act "gangsta".

Next up to be sacrificed to the Beast is Envy, a taller (5'7") girl who can take a lot of pole up her ass without any trouble. I've seen her take Jack Napier all the way up her ass before, so it should come as no surprise that she took Lexington's rod without complaint. In this scene, even more so than the first one, she looks like she's really enjoying herself.

Now we come to Anastasia Blue, a tiny waifish blonde who, to be honest, turns me off. Not that she's unattractive, but she has a very youthful-looking appearance. Too youthful, in fact: she looks like jailbait. And if that weren't bad enough, she's so eager to show off her oral talents that she routinely gags herself on cock during blowjob sequences. In one of her first auditions she actually gagged herself so badly that she threw up. You have to give props for that kind of effort, but it's not sexy onscreen. It's actually more than a little disturbing, and turns me off pretty quickly. Her gagging/choking blowjobs, in conjunction with her underage appearance, both make me feel like I'm watching someone being abused, no matter how consensual it is. She's probably beloved among the raincoat crowd, but I'm not a fan of her work.

Jewel Valmont and Felicia Ann are up next, and they take turns being impaled by Lex, first in the pussy and then in the ass. This isn't a great scene, but it's not a bad one either. The girls seem to be enjoying themselves, although both of them have a bit of trouble when it's time to switch from vaginal to anal action, but that's only to be expected with a pole the size of Lex's rod. They also look like real people, which is a plus.

And finally, Bridget Kerkove brings up the rear of this group, and what can I say about her except "she's a dirty whore"? She's the stereotypical porno slut in the worst sense of the word, complete with collagen-injected puffy lips and a skanky "give me your best shot" presentation that makes me think I would never touch such a woman with a ten foot pole. And her propensity for eagerly doing ass-to-mouth and cum-drinking shots may drive the raincoater crowd wild, but it grosses me out. She has plenty of fans, but I'm not one of them.

In conclusion, the disc is pretty good overall, as gonzo anal-themed flicks go. Scenes #1, #2, and #4 are good while scenes #3 and #5 are a bit of a turn-off. So, given that 3 out of 5 scenes are good, it seems only fair to give the film 3 out of 5 stars.

Rating: 3/5
Anal/DP: yes
Choking/slapping/abuse: none
Running time: 1 hour, 28 minutes
Video quality: good
Studio: Extreme Associates
Producer: Rob Black
Director: Unknown

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