Mike's Porn Reviews

The Adventures of Shorty Mac 2

This film starts on the wrong foot right away, when we meet Shorty Mac. Obviously, he's a pretty short guy, as you probably guessed from his name. But he talks enough for a seven footer, and that's the problem. If he would just shut the fuck up, his film might not be so bad, but it's intolerable as-is. And he sounds like a retard, with mumbled consonants and exaggerated ghetto accent and dialect. It's almost as if he's trying to sound like a stereotype of the asinine baggy-pantsed black ghetto moron.

Five minutes into the film and we meet the very hot but also very air-headed Jamie Elle, who has car trouble and agrees to come back to Shorty's place with him (naturally). But now we have to hear another eight minutes of his slurred moronic 60-IQ ghetto banter until the 13 minute mark, when Jamie starts sucking his cock. He lives up to his billing, and it turns out that he has a pretty big member despite his small stature. Jamie can barely fit it into her mouth, although he doesn't quite have the mammoth proportions of a guy like Shane Diesel. More foreplay follows, and it isn't until after the eighteen minute mark when we finally see some fucking. That's a long time to wait for action, especially in a film with no other redeeming qualities like this one. Jamie Elle puts in her usual performance, which is to say that she is energetic and enthusiastic during her pussy pounding (no anal in this scene, or the whole film for that matter). But Shorty just won't stop talking, which is a real problem, and while the sex itself isn't bad, it's fairly conventional and certainly doesn't make up for the long and annoying wait.

Scene 2 involves Shorty picking up a hooker named Mercedes. Same basic formula of "small talk followed by sex". Rebecca likes it when Shane Diesel does this, because he's such a casual guy and he doesn't try to sound like a ghetto douche. As she puts it, "he's pretty funny looking but he's so laid-back and relaxed" (and she won't admit it, but I think she's also fascinated by his giant cock). However, Shorty Mac is a different story. He honestly sounds so stupid that you'd think he belongs in some kind of special-education program. And this scene follows up Jamie Elle with a nondescript, slightly heavy-set hooker with nowhere near Jamie's sexual energy. Again, just like scene 1, it takes a very long time to get to the point. Totally forgettable.

Scene 3, and they trot out exactly the same formula again. Mr. Shorty Mush-Mouth goes trolling for chicks, picks one up (this time named Chariy Fire), takes her back to his place. 17 minutes of near-constant cretinous knuckle-dragger ghetto dialect before the fucking starts, and when it does start, it's totally generic. Nothing eye-catching or unusual at all. At this point, I have to admit that I'm wondering why I bother to watch any more of this. I already know that more than half of the running length of each scene is going to be Shorty Mac shooting off his mouth while no fucking is happening; who the fuck thought this would be a good formula? This time, it's a pale-skinned girl with reddish-brown hair, walking a dog in the park. As if it makes any difference.

Scene 4 and they're not even trying any more. Shorty Mac just walks up to some overweight blonde girl (named Jasse Monroe) in a parking lot and talks her into coming back to his place with him. 16 minutes of annoying ghetto talk later, they start fucking. Again, it's totally unremarkable. This is the kind of sex scene they get away with in big-budget "couples porn" by having gorgeous performers, real music soundtracks, and expensive sets or locations. Take all of that away, and you have Shorty Mac plus anonymous chunky white chick. Snooooore ... The only good thing about a scene like this is that an ordinary guy can probably look at his wife and honestly say "Man, my honey has a way better body than this chick!"

Scene 5 stars cute brunette delivery girl Jaylynn Sins. They meet her in the hallway on a delivery and easily talk her into going back to his apartment, where they get busy. Despite her annoying and highly obtrusive tattoos, Jaylynn is a much better performer (and better looking) than any other girl on this disc except for Jamie Elle. Therefore, the scene is a big improvement over the three stinkers that preceded it. However, it's still totally devoid of any noteworthy features except for Shorty Mac's annoying drooling-imbecile mouth-breathing ghetto banter. Thumbs down on this one too, even though it's a big improvement over the previous scenes.

In conclusion, this film is worth 1 out of 5 stars, and that's being generous. What a waste of plastic. Only two out of five girls show any real talent for this business, and the male actor is a gibbering idiot who thinks that we want to spend more than half of the running time of each scene listening to his incoherent ghetto blather.

Rating: 1/5
Anal/DP: no
Choking/slapping/abuse: none
Running time: 2 hours, 40 minutes
Video quality: good
Studio: It's About Time Entertainment
Producer: Unknown
Director: Unknown

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