Mike's Porn Reviews

Vault of Whores

Vault of Whores is one of those pornos that puts real effort into its production, without committing the fatal mistake of overemphasizing the story to the point that you get bored, grab the remote, and mash on the fast-forward button. The story is flimsy, as porn stories should be, and has to do with Laura (Taryn Thomas), a female comic book fan who's having trouble with the snobby cheerleader girls in school. Along the way, she picks up a boyfriend and we see some of the sexual fantasies in her explicit comic books, including a story about a girl (played by Kaylynn) who's lucky(?) enough to die and go to Hell on the same day that Satan decides he wants to take a wife. So when Kaylynn gets to Hell, she finds herself being recruited into an involuntary wedding ceremony that involves some of Satan's minions (including a Hellishly made-up Naudia Nyce) and eventually involves Satan himself. Naturally, Hell wedding ceremonies involve group sex; maybe Satan is onto something here.

There's a lot of heat in that first scene, not to mention the amusing and well-done setup. The film follows up with a second fantasy from Laura's comic book collection. This one involves blonde Vicky Vette as an older woman who gets horny in the produce section of the grocery store and takes advantage of two stock boys, after showing them what she can do with a cucumber. Once again, it's a well-done scene, although I've never cared too much for mixing food with sex; it seems like an odd fetish to me, but as they say, different strokes for different folks. At least it's not disgusting; just a little odd. At this point the story returns to reality and we're treated to the obligatory cheerleader shower scene (starring Sammie Rhodes, Hillary Scott, Courtney Simpson, Victoria Sin, Vanessa Lane, and Sunny Lane), where the snobby cheerleaders have some lesbian fun with tongues and fingers and dildoes before returning to the locker where Laura and her boyfriend have prepared a prank for them. Once again the scene is very well-done, although some people (including myself) find lesbian scenes boring after the first few minutes. By the way, this scene is exactly how every red-blooded male high school student has always imagined cheerleader showers to be, in all of his wet dreams.

Unfortunately, the film takes a brief nosedive at this point, with another comic book fantasy. This time it's about some sort of backyard co-ed wrestling league, but the setup is, well, retarded and annoying. It takes more than ten minutes to get to the action, and it's filled with lame attempts at humour that fall completely flat. You might find yourself hitting the fast-forward button here even though the scene stars Dillan Lauren and Katja Kassin. It eventually gets to a sex scene, but by then I had lost interest, and I didn't particularly like the butch manner in which the girls presented themselves (although I suppose that's only to be expected given the "backyard wrestling league" setup). Luckily, the film gets back on track after this scene by returning to reality, where Laura and her new boyfriend are (naturally) getting it on in a well-done, albeit unimaginative scene.

And Laura lives happily ever after. All in all, the movie is quite well-done, with good production values, competent direction, and the generally light-hearted tone that is so critical in any story-based porno. If it weren't for the irritating wrestling scenes, this would be the kind of porno that doesn't require the fast-forward button at all.

Rating: 4/5
Anal/DP: yes
Choking/slapping/abuse: none
Running time: 2 hours, 25 minutes
Video quality: excellent
Studio: Evil Angel
Producer: Buttman Comics
Director: Tricia Devereaux and Scott Lord

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